Got Milk?

Milk. It's a finicky substance I tell you. Not everyone knows how handle milk, it is a beverage in a class all it's own and as such has different guidelines and rules.

Bear with me now as I help educate the world, one milk drinker at a time.

1. Always check the expiration and smell the milk.
2. it's gotta be ice cold.
3. no bubbles, no drink. Little bubbles around the edge of the glass are a sign that it's a fresh glass of milk.
4. once a glass has had milk in it, no other beverage can be consumed from that glass until it has been through the dishwasher and sanitized.
5. it's okay to share a coke or a glass of water, but you can never share a glass of milk! (It makes me shutter just thinking about it.)
6. Absolutely NO drinking from the carton.
7. milk should never be poured over a glass of ice.
8. milk is NOT the beverage you drink after a long run or after playing a hot game of basketball.
9. if the milk jug is already sitting on the counter when you go to pour a glass of milk, it's not as cold as it can possibly be. Return it back to the fridge and wait 15-30 minutes before you pour a glass or open a fresh jug.
10. milk and cardboard containers don't go together. Plastic containers seem to keep the milk colder.
11. only drink milk at your own house. Drinking milk at another person's house is the ultimate sign of trust. It's way too intimate to do just anywhere, you never know what other people's milk rules are.
12. once milk has been poured out, it NEVER goes back into the original container.
13. if one jug of milk is almost empty and another one has been opened (due to rule #9) it is NOT okay to combine the two into one jug.
14. you don't shake milk before pouring it. When your wife says there has to be bubbles, let it happen naturally. Nobody likes artificial bubbles....too much of a good thing is too much of a good thing.
15. Really, milk should only be drank accompanied by chocolate....or vice versa.
And 16. Seriously, Sheryl Crow, the milk mustache thing, it's not sexy. People, there is nothing more homely than a dried milk mustache above your upper lip or in the corners of your mouth. I check my kids every morning before school for signs of the milk mustache. It is not becoming.