Looking for a hit man...

So as a mom, i LOVE christmastime. I love the lights, the music, the smells, Santa Claus, the whole thing!

I love Halloween. I love the costumes, the weather, candy corn.

I love valentines day. I love dates with the kids, heart shaped pancakes, fondue...

I even love April Fool's day and all the practical jokes.

What i DON'T love is the tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny.

Really? What the heck does the resurrection of Christ have to do with a rabbit? And, what does a rabbit have to do with eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs. Why isn't it the Easter Chicken or Easter Duck, hiding their own eggs? Who was it exactly that decided a rabbit should represent Easter and it should hide eggs?

It's all very confusing, really.

I love the message Easter brings, i love dying easter eggs and the hiding and finding of them. I love Easter bonnets at aunt Maxine's, but why do we have to pretend the Easter Bunny is coming and why does it bring presents?

I think it was a spin off of Christmas.

Step off, Easter Bunny, you're not Santa Claus, nobody is ever going to like you as much as Santa.

So, let's stop telling the kids they have to go to bed early because "a giant rabbit is going to come into their house while they're sleeping and lay eggs all over the house for them to find..."

And the TOOTH FAIRY!

Why?

It's just not right.

What does this fairy do with all these nasty old teeth anyway? It's kinda creepy.

And, our tooth fairy stinks.

It's a lot of pressure as a mom, to make sure your kids have a good tooth fairy.

I just won't do it.

I just tell my kids plain and simple, "look, you guys got the ghetto tooth fairy. I'm sorry, that's just who got assigned to you. What do you do, that's just the way it goes."

90% of the time, our tooth fairy is "really busy" and has to apologize for not making it to get the tooth...3 times in a row. And then 90% of the time, forgets to actually take the tooth.

Our tooth fairy still has outstanding IOU's to the 2 oldest from 3 years ago.

And, our tooth fairy still only leaves a buck...even with inflation!

Minimum wage has gone up, but apparently not the price of teeth on the black market.

And so, I propose we hire a hit man to take out the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Who's with me?

I am going to need the cooperation of at least 10 other parents, preferably those that my kids associate with so they think that everyone is suffering the same loss.

My daughter has a loose tooth.

I would like to have this "wrapped up" in the next week or so. So if anyone out there "knows" of someone....