Someday they will fly the nest

My oldest nephew just left for 2 years to serve a full time mission in Paraguay. Sitting through his farewell, open house, and finally his setting apart last night, it started hitting closer to home than i imagined.

It seems like just last year he was my oldest son's age.

The thought hits me with the stunning realization of how fast time is flying by.

It doesn't seem that long ago I watched my own mom say goodbye and send her oldest son off on a mission. I still think of her as that same age. Is it possible that i could really only be five years from being my mom? Did i fall asleep somewhere along the way and now I'm just waking up...old? (No offense, mom)

5 years to be a parent to my oldest, the guinea pig, that's all I've got?!

I spent this weekend (in it's entirety) helping one of my dearest friends create her daughter's dream wedding. I watched her eyes fill with tears as her oldest child drove off to start her new life.

As we cleaned up, my sweet friend said, "I hope I taught her well enough to cook and keep house. I wish I had more time to teach her! Hopefully she remembers all the important things."

Ultimately our job as parents is to prepare these little people the Lord so graciously sends into our lives to someday be able to live without us.

And so, we correct, we scold, we admonish.

We set rules, boundaries, and hold to them.

We worry.

Are we teaching them responsibility? The importance of a clean room?

I worry and fret so much about whether or not I'm doing the right things for my children. Am I teaching them enough? How much can I cram into my oldest over the next 5 years? Are they getting these lessons I keep lecturing about, responsibility, work ethic, etc, etc.

I called my sister-n-law this morning to see how she was doing, just hours after she had to say goodbye for 2 years to a piece of her heart.

She was doing as well as could be expected.

She said something that has stuck with me all day long.

She said for the last couple months she has worried, "Did we teach him enough? We weren't the best at family scriptures and most of the time family home evening was a comedy routine."

She worried, "Does he know how to sew a button? Wash his own laundry? Mend split pants?"

But on the way to the airport, she realized none of it really mattered.

Those things are all good. Good things to teach, good things to know. But, he can learn the scriptures. He will figure out laundry, sewing buttons. He can even figure out and learn to be organized and clean.

However, no one can ever teach him, show him, or help him feel how much he is loved by his mom and dad.

She said she realized that that was all that really mattered, the rest you have a lifetime to learn and figure out.

All day long today I've wondered, do my kids know how much I love them? And not just the normal "i'd give my life for you" kind of love, but also the give up the last fudgesicle, make their favorite dessert even though i'm on a diet kind of love.

Do they know that even if i wasn't their mom, I would choose them? I would choose them to watch a movie with. I would choose them to lay in bed and stay up all night talking with. I would choose them to play games with. I would choose each one of them to be my best friends. Do they know that?

This weekend has changed my priorities.

I will still try my darnedest to teach them how to get their socks in the hamper.

I won't stop trying to teach them responsibility.

But someday they will leave my house.

And when they do, above everything I have taught them, I hope they feel, not just know, but feel how much they are loved by the woman they are leaving behind.

(Sedona 2009)

(Sedona 2009)

(Mt. Graham 2009)

(Father's & Sons campout 2002)